Coping is Dope #1: Geography Truth or Dare

 The mainstream milspouse blogs are littered, soaked, stuffed, piled, and saturated with articles about PCSes- apparently they are stressful, disruptive, and generally suckful.  Yeah, no.  Moving sometimes blows, but staying can be worse- at least, that's what I thought.  

Get the Truth after the jump!

Let's talk about Bringing Kids to Restaurants

Is this a military thing?  Since our direct experiences of military communities occur in regions we are otherwise unfamiliar with, sometimes we're not sure whether certain behaviors are examples of military culture, regional culture, rural livin', etc.  Or maybe this is just Velcro Generation Parenting? Like, just what people do now? I mean, using smartphones wasn't a thing in the place we lived BS (before soldier) but that was probably more the decade than the zip code.

PICTURE THIS: a Friday night at the end of a rough week. Somehow you and a favorite MilSpouse have managed to convince BOTH of your partners to go out to a restaurant together.

Goddamn are you looking forward to a relaxing evening of drinking, joking, and probably swearing.  All parties agree on a restaurant- and you think, shit, this is going to be expensive, but so worth it because last week you went to Chain Restaurant and it was like, filled with bored (loud) kids and their inconsiderate parents.

And then we entered the restaurant and before the appetizers were even served, much of the mythology we'd understood to be sacred about dinner in American brewpubs was shattered. 
Shattered, sneezed on, screamed at, publicly spanked, dipped in ketchup, and shattered.

Presently Unplugged, courtesy of "Unplugging & Work-Life Balance" #APW

I just read this great article on work/life balance and the need to unplug by Meg Keene of www.apracticalwedding.com #APW. I wish to share this article with you, along with one caveat and a couple of comments.

Number 1 being that it I don't want you to unplug. In fact, the complete opposite. The very reason this blog exists is to enable progressive military spouses to find community. The internet is magic in the way it allows people with different geographic locations to find support, share stories, and connect.

"There are times when work needs to be done, and emails need to be checked, and God knows the baby doesn’t need us in his face all the time. But building a life takes the unspooling of time. Life is the moments in between. Looking around your kitchen and thinking about how it reminds you of your grandmother’s. Glancing over at the baby and seeing him go wild with glee. Having that long conversation with your husband. Being bored and seeing where that takes you." ~Meg Keene, APW

Number 2- that said, try it and you'll like it. Meg has a really valid point about being present with your spouse, with your loved ones, embracing the dynamics of your daily physical life. I took a hiatus from tv- in fact, I actually didn't own one- for a good five years. Even now with the giant flat screen nailed to the wall above the fireplace, DH and I still don't actually have television channels (although, ehem, we are both internet-provided movie addicts). When I didn't have a tv, I sat on multiple community group boards and I cooked CSA veggie meals with my housemate. I focused on projects like starting a Slow Food chapter and a faith-based young professionals group. My friends and I had sewing nights, organizing meetings, a radical book club, and locally-sourced themed brunches. I went to the gym, or forgot to go to the gym and bike-commuted to work. At night there was Battlestar Galactica marathons via my laptop...but there was also the time for my housemates and friends to light the candle-lanterns and sit out on the porch and listen to my neighbors play fiddle, or sax- and one whole summer we had a bluegrass band across the way who liked to rehearse in the deep twilight nights.  First it was hard. And then, as the friendships got stronger and the community grew around me...and I bought a house because you have time for a whole load of stuff you will never have time for again once you own a house, darling...it was easy. Honestly, I don't know how I ever had time for watching so much tv before. Welcome to the freedom of reality.

"The other night, the baby was in bed, the weather was lovely, and I asked David to come downstairs with me and hang out in the hammock. David’s never been one for sitting and staring into space with me (ruining many a perfectly good vacation moment, if you ask me), meaning a double hammock is the smartest thing I’ve ever bought. Once he’s IN the hammock, it’s hard to get out, so I’ve effectively trapped him with his own laziness. Marriage!" ~Meg Keene, APW

Number 3- once you unplug, you don't go back. I/we don't have an internet-free weekend rule, yet. Being married to a tech-savvy milDude with a giant television (hehe) and an online vid/gaming habit means that normal post-work hours are very different now then they were 2+ years ago. I do notice when he's got his face in his phone and won't come out to socialize. Or when I need his total attention and just can't get it. And while he thinks nothing of spending 3-5 hours a night plugged into his computer for a League of Legends tournament...I can't do it. And the pendulum swings the other way too. When I'm in the middle of reading an email and get irritated that he wants me to look at something "right now!". Mind you, I can spend 3 hours reading a book (although it has only recently stopped feeling really weird to read a GoogleBook on my phone). I can sit in the same room with him and plan a wedding on my computer...or write an Executive Search description...or re-write my resume. But that's just the thing. I can work or I can plan, but I can't hit recreation mode in front of a computer in the same way. I get, well, bored. I want to do something. Interact. Cook something, make something, change something, debate something- preferably in the company of friendly people and open microbrews. There is so much I want to do in the world that to simply plug in to kill time, to be entertained... it feels empty. 

"I’ve noticed when I have to ask for David’s complete attention by asking him to put down his phone. I’ve noticed when he’s had to ask for mine when I’m busy checking email. And I notice those moments when we could be chilling with our kid, but are instead checking for Facebook updates we don’t even care about. Of course, it’s not always that simple." ~Meg Keene, APW

So while we haven't discussed forsaking the internet on weekends, I would like DH and I to come to an agreement about nights without screen time. Nights where we can talk and reconnect and be. Maybe just us. Maybe us and unplugged community. But present, fully present, in every way.

Signing off.
~Bravo

Fort Bragg Chapel Welcomes Homosexuality

"Lt. Col. Heather Mack and her wife, Ashley Broadway, who initially was barred from membership in the Fort Bragg Officers' Spouses Club before the group relented earlier this year, and Staff Sgt. Tracy Johnson, the first same-sex war widow in the US Military, also attended. Johnson's wife, Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, was killed in Afghanistan in 2012."
"Fort Bragg Chapel Holds First Same-Sex Ceremony" , Drew Brooks, Fayetteville Observer 12/21/13


There's a thing that just happened that makes us proud. THE VERY FIRST same-sex commitment ceremony at the Fort Bragg Chapel. That's right. You heard it right here, folks. According to the Fayetteville Observer, monogamous homosexuality has arrived at the Center of the Universe.

Picture by Elizabeth Franz, Fayetteville Observer 12/21/13

Very handsomely, I might add.

But all is not sunshine and rainbows.

Hidden in the article about this moving and real life (seriously, the proposal story is quoted as...

That's when Toven asked Taylor to check his stocking. Inside was a card and a small box. 

I open it and I look at Daniel and he's on one knee," Taylor recalled. Taylor said he was sleep-deprived and hadn't eaten all day. Suddenly, he was overcome with emotion. 

"I said, 'I think I'm going to vomit," Taylor said. "It was not one of my finest moments in life."

It doesn't get more real, right?!) triumph of men in the military who love both men AND the military, we read about the Officer's Spouse Club grudgingly admitting only THIS YEAR aka 2013 the wife of a Lt Colonel. 

Is it only me? I feel so regressive when I mention someone by the rank of their partner. I'm sure Ms. Broadway is a kick-butt person in her own right, but the honest truth here is that we spouses are subject to some specific standards and in-group/out-group dynamics based on mostly THAT. Our worth is measured in how many bars and chevrons grace our lovers' chest. 

This being so, it is unconscionable that the legal partner or common-law partner of a person who has attained the rank of Lieutenant Colonel should be denied entry into a society of her peers. I am livid that this was ever in question. I commend the people in the Fort Bragg Officers' Spouses Club that must have opposed the exclusion because, really, it would much less chic to be known as the Fort Bragg Officers' (With A Penis) Spouses Club. And even then, it wouldn't stop the handsome newlywed pictured above from knock-knock-knocking at the door. 

Happily, the weather and the Officers' Spouses Club seems warm and welcoming for now in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Next, we hope for a sea-change in the state legislature to enable full marriage equality. We'll keep you posted on where the wind is blowing on that one, pals!

You Are Not the Intended Audience

Hey, MilSpouse, I like you. I feel like we can really talk. Connect. 

And I know soImarriedanarmyguy are the new kids on the MilSpouse blogger block but...I really wonder who the Military thinks they're talking to when they think they're talking to me?

This question is thematic on the topic of getting dressed like an adult at MilBalls and Commissaries and all that. As well as trying to analyze whether other-than-child-and-maternal-health-related on-Post support programs really exist for MilSpouses. 

Because I am as close to an adult, professional-type person with experience and fancy framed certificates as one can get without being a doctor. 

Because when I read "Today's Military Wife Handbook: 6th Edition" I finish skimming in <3 hours and I'm bored the whole way through. 

Because when I sit through a 5 hour-long Power Point from the perky Morale, Welfare, and Recreation (MWR) volunteer or the Family Readiness Group staff on how to be a leader, the main points are 1) wear clothes and don't drool on yourself in public, 2) be friendly, 3) know your place and PR value to the Army.  

Because when I read most  #armybratsrock #makeuptipsdujour #patriotwifegames :throws up quietly: MilSpouse blogs, I realize more and more that I am not the intended audience.

And I'm betting neither are you. Why are educated, talented MilSpouses not more widely represented in This Man's Army?

Who out there can really speak to us?

And WTF?! Five HOURS of Power Point? MWR you ought to be ASHAMED. You could've done a self-paced webinar with a Happy Hour meet-up afterward for real dialogue and not wasted my work-hours.

Where can we spouses go for some real leadership training? Are there seminars on Leadership at the War College that we can audit? Seems like more my kinda crowd.

Thankful For...

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for...

• Tricare Healthcare. A single-payer system without which my hubby and I would be closer to certain bankruptcy and painful, unmedicated death.
• Army Wifeys. My bestest friends in this journey of exercise, activism, coconut oil butter, wedding madness, and military life. I :heart: yous mucho mucho much.
• Gas insert fireplaces and ready-made cookie dough. You're luxuries I neither fundementally need nor like to think ideologically about where you're sourced, but in winter I love you just the same.
• Strong arms, a steady heart-beat, and a full head of hair (even if it is cut wayyy too short). I love you, man-friend, and you're totally worth (most of) it.

And you? What are you thankful for in this so-called Army Life?

~Bravo

Fashion Police at the Commissary?

So I married an Army guy...and now I'm not allowed to wear this (sassy little outfit below) while I grocery shop on post!

Image from Lingeriediva.com

Apparently the big shots at Schofield Barracks in Oahu are sick and tired of inappropriately dressed soldiers and civilians running around in "mismatched attire, using Army type combat uniforms with civilian clothes", as Lt. Teddy Agullana told Hawaii News Now.

The dress code prohibits clothing sheer enough to reveal undergarments,  sagging pants, swimwear worn places other than the pool.  No word anywhere about white sneakers with jeans.

In August of this year, SpouseBuzz covered a dress code debate following this policy memo appearing on buildings throughout the Ft. Irwin post in California.  Predictably, some spouses feel that the dress code is the latest in a series of infringements on their personal freedoms, and others are grateful that the standards are being enforced or upheld.

I'm confused by the degree of outrage over the dress code and the way it is being enforced.  I mean, there are so many other rules for off-duty soldiers and spouses on post, and most people seem to take them in stride.  Where's all the rancor over the ban on PDA in uniform, or talking on a cell phone while walking?  Also, the standards in the dress code are similar to many public places; you're really not supposed to wear pajamas in public. Anywhere.

Initially I was firmly in the pro-dress code camp.  Since the entire post is our partners' workplace, it follows that "come as you are" doesn't apply.  When determining my level of outrage deciding how to feel about pretty much any aspect of my partner's job, I transfer the issue to another scenario.

What if he worked at a corporate law firm?  Well, I probably wouldn't wear my "Wax Bush 2004" tee shirt to meet him for lunch there, either.  So the rules didn't bother me- at first.  In fact I didn't think they went far enough- how about those extra-large tee shirts with cartoon characters on them...worn by adults?

Then I read a comment about how "appropriate" can be subjective and how tank tops and ripped jeans are wardrobe staples for many of us- especially on those Commissary days.  And I thought that if GI Echo were Echo, Esq., I might wear a slogan tee shirt to meet him for lunch (maybe not that one, though), and I would definitely wear my nose ring.  That thing is a bitch to take out, after all.  My point is, standards do change and if they banned all facial piercings, I'd definitely have a problem with that.

Meanwhile, I do have a problem with anyone dressing inappropriately in public, and I agree that the military should have its own (higher) standards for apparel on Post- at least in terms of the coverage, tightness, and... um, thickness of clothing.  It is not hard to find instances of informal or unwritten rules for spouses' appearance, anyway.

What do you all think?

I don't see a whole lot of midriffs out there but a lot of us stop by the commissary or PX on the way back from the gym, dressed in our yoga pants.  Some of us wear our jammies to pick up prescriptions at the Clinic when we're sick.  And some of us feel that if we want to Legalize It, well then we should be able to wear such slogans on our tee shirts.

Are the dress codes fair?  Do you follow them? Check out the link below for the full scoop.

HONOLULU: Fashion police cracks down at Hawaii Army base - Weird News - MiamiHerald.com

The Unemployment Line

I'm assuming you work, MilSpousers. I'm assuming you also have hit the unemployment section of the daily paper more than once since getting your fancy MilDependent ID. So what's the first thing you do when the paychecks stop flowing?

In December I will cross that burning bridge and if you've got tips on handling unemployment in an organized and graceful manner, please tell me!

How do you deflect the soul-crushing hit to your self-esteem?

Best techniques on keeping a wild-caught salmon and arborrio rice pantry with zero cash (oh, and did you hear about the Department of Defense fact-finding mission on closing all Commisaries)?

Budgeting tricks for ensuring BAH, rent and/or mortgage/s, car payments, utilities, and student loans all line up?

Hit me up. As a MilNewbie, I could use advice.

♡Bravo

Prepared for Shabbat, Roger THAT.

As with most of my professional women friends who have taken care of ourselves since university, I like to keep my house a certain way. Usually fairly clean and pretty neat. And yet, there are some spaces in this house that have been assigned to the "please pay someone to decontaminate this before the funeral in the event of my untimely death" list. I hate cleaning them. No excuse or justification. The microwave is one of those spaces.

So early this morning I took the radical step of blowing up 1.5 Tablespoons of Earth Balance TM in the microwave. Which supplied the motivational "OMFG, if I don't clean this with everything I've got..."- the location of the microwave means this statement includes a dining room chair and an extendo-arm and the fluid, melting-down-the-wall trickle of the Earth Balance TM indicated the Formula 409 Spray Cleaner TM- "...everything that henceforth enters into this space for the nuking will come out on fire/smoking/blackened/VERY unpleasant. THIS WILL NOT BE! :scrub scrub scrub scrub:

I have no idea what Earth Balance TM would look like if left undisturbed on the wall, ceiling, and rotating glass tray bottom of the microwave for the next 6 months but I determined that now was not the time for scientific inquiry.

For all you Army Jews out there, DH and I tested this Bread Machine Challah recipe from Allrecipes.com with success.*
*The key tip is to melt the margarine, or let's just call it Earth Balance TM, before you put it in the bread machine. Tip provided by a Helpful Reviewer. Thanks, Helpful Reviewer!

Et voila! The finished challah tastefully wrapped for Shabbat travel plans and accessorized with the newest additions to our household- the Military Camouflage Dreidels. Go ahead and swoon. 

Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 3 Hours Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes Servings: 12

"Challah, a yeasted egg bread, is made especially easy with the bread machine."

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 cup milk 2 eggs 3 tablespoons margarine 3 cups bread flour

1/4 cup white sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

DIRECTIONS:

1.	Add ingredients to the pan of the bread machine in the order suggested by the manufacturer.
2.	Select Basic Bread and Light Crust settings. Start.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2013 Allrecipes.com

Printed from Allrecipes.com 11/22/2013

We'll be experimenting with using oil (un-nuked) and honey in the next round.
For now though, me and my freshly cleaned microwave are gonna take a short pre-Shabbat break. 

Signing off~

Bravo

Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 3 Hours

Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes Servings: 12

Prep Time: 5 Minutes

Cook Time: 3 Hours

Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes

Servings: 12

3/4 cup milk

2 eggs

3 tablespoons margarine

3 cups bread flour

1/4 cup white sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

1.

Add ingredients to the pan of the bread machine in the order suggested by the manufacturer.

2.

Select Basic Bread and Light Crust settings. Start.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2013 Allrecipes.com

Printed from Allrecipes.com 11/22/2013

Transcript of a Job Search

"Do MilSpouse Jobs Programs Work" Photo Credit Jacey Eckhart

Document Based Question- am I a MilSpouse or a professional?
Because I'm pretty sure I'm a g*ddamn  professional here.


Let me be clear- I did not "follow" my dude to this place. I walked in as a partner on my own two feet. He moved back to Post and I networked my way into an interview and then pulled together a consulting gig and a fellowship to pay the rent. It worked well for a year. And now this cobbled together system, mostly due to some tight-wad Congressional shenanigans, is coming to an end.

Job Search Take Two Commences!

Hello! Married to the Military? Unable to easily access your established professional or business networks because you are a) living in a place where everyone leaves (and is happy about that fact), b) are nowhere near your alma mater or a thriving industry sector you are qualified to work in, c) unable to relocate to/back to a major hub or another urban center that would allow you to earn a real salary? YES, YOU! WELCOME to my job search.

Yes, now I really feel like a MILSPOUSE. Damn it, I hate job hunting. Doing this twice in the space of 12 months is very unpleasant.

In times like this it's good to have a friend like Echo. 

Echo: How are you?

Me: Chillin'. I've decided work is for the birds. 

Echo: In other words, you want to co-host a seminar on single-income households at the Army Kool-Aid Distribution Center? I have HAD it with our fellow Army spouses who subject themselves to predatory fake MLM businesses so they can drive gas guzzlers  and have extra guest bedrooms. 
F**k that consumerist propoganda bullshit. Cut some coupons and sit-out the consumerist Agenda!

Me: ...laughs my *** off.

I guess sitting here on my couch isn't really a vocational option, after all. But who am I kidding- if we were relying on DH's salary we'd be evicted, starve, and then hounded to death by creditors. ~Bravo

Ohh! Look- a bird! a plane! a MilSpouse Jobs Pinterest page!