Scandals, Handled: ScareForce Academy

Speaking of jobs, have you considered becoming a heterosexual confidence expert?  Apparently, such a background can get you a sweet gig at the Air Force Academy, who employs Mike Rosebush to oversee the Character and Leadership coaching program, for which participation is mandatory for all cadets.

*ECHO*

Prepared for Shabbat, Roger THAT.

As with most of my professional women friends who have taken care of ourselves since university, I like to keep my house a certain way. Usually fairly clean and pretty neat. And yet, there are some spaces in this house that have been assigned to the "please pay someone to decontaminate this before the funeral in the event of my untimely death" list. I hate cleaning them. No excuse or justification. The microwave is one of those spaces.

So early this morning I took the radical step of blowing up 1.5 Tablespoons of Earth Balance TM in the microwave. Which supplied the motivational "OMFG, if I don't clean this with everything I've got..."- the location of the microwave means this statement includes a dining room chair and an extendo-arm and the fluid, melting-down-the-wall trickle of the Earth Balance TM indicated the Formula 409 Spray Cleaner TM- "...everything that henceforth enters into this space for the nuking will come out on fire/smoking/blackened/VERY unpleasant. THIS WILL NOT BE! :scrub scrub scrub scrub:

I have no idea what Earth Balance TM would look like if left undisturbed on the wall, ceiling, and rotating glass tray bottom of the microwave for the next 6 months but I determined that now was not the time for scientific inquiry.

For all you Army Jews out there, DH and I tested this Bread Machine Challah recipe from Allrecipes.com with success.*
*The key tip is to melt the margarine, or let's just call it Earth Balance TM, before you put it in the bread machine. Tip provided by a Helpful Reviewer. Thanks, Helpful Reviewer!

Et voila! The finished challah tastefully wrapped for Shabbat travel plans and accessorized with the newest additions to our household- the Military Camouflage Dreidels. Go ahead and swoon. 

Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 3 Hours Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes Servings: 12

"Challah, a yeasted egg bread, is made especially easy with the bread machine."

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 cup milk 2 eggs 3 tablespoons margarine 3 cups bread flour

1/4 cup white sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

DIRECTIONS:

1.	Add ingredients to the pan of the bread machine in the order suggested by the manufacturer.
2.	Select Basic Bread and Light Crust settings. Start.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2013 Allrecipes.com

Printed from Allrecipes.com 11/22/2013

We'll be experimenting with using oil (un-nuked) and honey in the next round.
For now though, me and my freshly cleaned microwave are gonna take a short pre-Shabbat break. 

Signing off~

Bravo

Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 3 Hours

Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes Servings: 12

Prep Time: 5 Minutes

Cook Time: 3 Hours

Ready In: 3 Hours 5 Minutes

Servings: 12

3/4 cup milk

2 eggs

3 tablespoons margarine

3 cups bread flour

1/4 cup white sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

1.

Add ingredients to the pan of the bread machine in the order suggested by the manufacturer.

2.

Select Basic Bread and Light Crust settings. Start.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2013 Allrecipes.com

Printed from Allrecipes.com 11/22/2013

Working on Thanksgiving

Family separation is one of the most difficult aspects of military life, and during the holidays this is especially true.  After spending several decades being part of a military family, I speak from personal experience. 

Being together is important at Thanksgiving, it's important at Passover, it's important on St. Patrick's Day and it's important on birthdays.  Spending holidays in the same room is never a given for soldiers and their families, so you celebrate together as hard as you can, whenever you can.  Can you imagine what it would have been like to have had my dad home for Thanksgiving - JOY!- only to spend the meal staring at empty chairs because my mom and older brother were out doing their time working for $9 an hour?  I can because I've been there-  and it sucks.  I realize that when soldiers marry police officers, firefighters, medical professionals and other essential jobs that keep us safe and don't have holidays built in, families have an additional burden of separation.  It's understandable.  But empty chairs and uneaten meals are hardly justified by a day of sales at the strip mall...aka Black Friday.*  

"there are many like it, but this one is mine."  photo credit:  adam peck via ThinkProgress

This week I've gotten myself into a tremendous lather over the War on Thanksgiving- along with pretty much everyone else.  What is UP with Big Retail trying to cancel Thanksgiving for their workers?! 

As many military spouses work in retail, along with the highly visible Big Box efforts to recruit veterans and milspouses, I would argue that this may have a disproportionate impact on military families.  On a practical level, during deployment, many families function as de-facto single parent households, and military families are less likely to have relatives close by- which means that if mom is deployed and dad has to work at KMart, the kids don't simply celebrate with grandparents- the holiday just doesn't happen.  On the sentimental level (it is a holiday, after all) our time together is so limited. For many families, Thanksgiving is the only holiday they will spend together this year.  I could also argue that Thanksgiving's status as a uniquely American holiday contributes to its significance in military households.  In light of those factors, Big Retail's actions seem especially wrong.  Consider the financial stressors that many military families are facing- and the career limitations available for spouses, it is highly likely that thousands, if not millions, of military households will be directly affected by these greedy self-serving shenanigans.

Of course, there are counter arguments to be made about how cash-strapped military families depend on Black Friday sales for makin' spirits bright (lalala!), and that employees need the "extra" money they can earn with one more shift to work.  To the former, I'd question whether one could really "depend" on getting a flat-screen tv for $25 or whatever, and I'd also point out that retail has a knack for cutting hours elsewhere to avoid paying employees overtime.  Please tell me you've heard that before!

What do you guys think?  Are we accustomed to separation or off-calendar celebrations and thus take this in stride?  Or are we super-double irate and ready to boycott?

* Black Friday is so-called because retailers run in the financial red (at a deficit) for the whole year and then get back in the financial black (making their yearly profit margin) thanks to the bump in purchases that marks the beginning of the open Christmas season shopping.

*ECHO*

The Wrong Kind of Military Wife

I look for progressive military spouse blogs all the time.  Hello out there!  Where are you folks?  Today I came across Walking on my Hands, and the writer, Pamela, is definitely my new best friend.  A realistic portrait of a military spouse, plus yoga- what's not to like?

Married to the Military is her post about mainstream culture's depiction of military wives, and her sense of rage-turned-guilt over being "the wrong kind of military wife."  That resonated with me, as did her report of her husband's reaction to another ridiculous "inspirational" essay she had shown him.

"I don't really see the problem...she is helping him do his job better." he said.

Pamela goes on into the spiritual realm from there, which I'll leave for another conversation.

Let's talk about this reaction to supposedly inspirational stories about military spouses who drink the kool-aid, and then get all sanctimonious about their sacrifice and patriotism and so on.  I can definitely relate to Pamela's experience of anger that melts into inadequacy, and I was wondering how common that is.  I'm also curious about the one-sidedness and homogeneity of the image of the military wife.  It seems pervasive- as if there are no such thing as partners who are ambivalent about the military lifestyle or their spouse's career choice.  Reading stories and poems about the Soldier's Wife or Military Families that in no way apply to me or many people I know is demoralizing. I wish they would qualify the term "Military Spouse" somehow- maybe "Conservative Ideal Military Spouse" or "Spouses with Convenient Attitudes".

There are just too many of us to sum up into a poem designed to be printed in a flowery font and hung up on a bathroom wall or reposted on Facebook.  Maybe it is just that simple?

*ECHO*

A Homemaking Website that Doesn't Suck

A month after my wedding and a week after being suddenly laid off from my (paid) job, I am still trying to remember what the hell I did with my free time before I started planning a wedding while working 65 hours per week.  I have to say, I don't know.  Do you?
Actually, a quick look around my house rings a bell.  There are backpacks from our epic hiking trips and well-used workout gear from feeling the burn on a daily basis.  There are the pets we fostered...and kept, and the cooking gadgets I used every night for project dinner.  There are books.  And then...there's torn wallpaper, way too many paint chips, stacks of bricks (yes), a bunch of noun-verb combos like tape measure, stud finder, and room divider.

Oh yeah.  We were fixing up our old ass house like the time lapse montage in movies.  I'm supposed to have a kerchief over my hair and he's supposed to be hauling something.  We're both supposed to be laughing.

Before the wedding, we were fixing up our old ass house and we kind of stopped doing that in favor of planning our wedding.  That shit takes a long time, let me tell you.  Even if you're not uptight.  Both the DI-Why and the wedding.

Anyhow, for the first time since we moved in a long time ago I noticed that we have no curtains, but we do have nosy neighbors.  Kind of like I do not sew but I do have a pinterest page.  So on day two of funemployment I hit google and hit it hard, looking for some trick to get out of sewing or purchasing curtains.  And I found this!  Please don't ask why, but I decided to show my husband.  I was excited.  About curtains.

"Oh for Christ's sake.  Offbeat HOME?! We have this now?" he asked.  He shook his head and explained, I thought we were done with all that Offbeat Bride shit, ugh, I can't believe there's more.

You probably had to be there, but it was hilarious and it was the first time I realized that he was aware of Offbeat Bride.  I guess that's not surprising- OBB got me through a gnarly year of wedding industrial complex crap that seemed orchestrated to turn me and my friends into greedy teenage fake gender conforming princesses.  Offbeat Bride was a refreshing, even comforting corner of the internet that suggests that it is in fact possible to have a wedding without losing your savings, your sanity, your tattoos, your feminist outlook, or your piercings.  I did need some guidance for the wedding planning process and there really wasn't a whole lot of useful stuff in 31 Things You Don't Know About Bridal Manicure Trends-type publications.  That crap has a way of messing with your mind with the suggestion that being engaged means you have to stop being Daria and turn into Quinn.

Considering that my husband's career has us living in a much more conservative community than I would have believed existed- before moving here- that access to "alternative" culture was especially important.  If I still lived in Blue State Metropolitan Area, I probably wouldn't need that- my tattooed and pierced and vegan and genderqueer friends would have provided the validation I needed after dealing with wedding industrial vendors- but I don't, so I did.

Anyhow, after our wedding and during our home-making, I still need guidance because, among other things, I have no fucking clue how to make curtains.  (No, buying them is not an option.  Leave me alone.)  So I found OffBeat Home and I love it there.  I'll get back to you about the curtains.

Where awesome lives | Offbeat Home

What do you think, folks?  How's your home-making going, and what's been helping?

*ECHO*

Transcript of a Job Search

"Do MilSpouse Jobs Programs Work" Photo Credit Jacey Eckhart

Document Based Question- am I a MilSpouse or a professional?
Because I'm pretty sure I'm a g*ddamn  professional here.


Let me be clear- I did not "follow" my dude to this place. I walked in as a partner on my own two feet. He moved back to Post and I networked my way into an interview and then pulled together a consulting gig and a fellowship to pay the rent. It worked well for a year. And now this cobbled together system, mostly due to some tight-wad Congressional shenanigans, is coming to an end.

Job Search Take Two Commences!

Hello! Married to the Military? Unable to easily access your established professional or business networks because you are a) living in a place where everyone leaves (and is happy about that fact), b) are nowhere near your alma mater or a thriving industry sector you are qualified to work in, c) unable to relocate to/back to a major hub or another urban center that would allow you to earn a real salary? YES, YOU! WELCOME to my job search.

Yes, now I really feel like a MILSPOUSE. Damn it, I hate job hunting. Doing this twice in the space of 12 months is very unpleasant.

In times like this it's good to have a friend like Echo. 

Echo: How are you?

Me: Chillin'. I've decided work is for the birds. 

Echo: In other words, you want to co-host a seminar on single-income households at the Army Kool-Aid Distribution Center? I have HAD it with our fellow Army spouses who subject themselves to predatory fake MLM businesses so they can drive gas guzzlers  and have extra guest bedrooms. 
F**k that consumerist propoganda bullshit. Cut some coupons and sit-out the consumerist Agenda!

Me: ...laughs my *** off.

I guess sitting here on my couch isn't really a vocational option, after all. But who am I kidding- if we were relying on DH's salary we'd be evicted, starve, and then hounded to death by creditors. ~Bravo

Ohh! Look- a bird! a plane! a MilSpouse Jobs Pinterest page!

WE GOT MARRIED!

Echo and Bravo, two of us knocked it out of the park in October- and Kilo is ready to go in December. And what did we learn from this socially-accepted, expensive and overwhelming rite of passage?

Lesson #1, weddings are difficult to plan, they operate in reality and not fantasy-land, and standing in front of people you love holding hands with the specific person you love is an amazing rush.

Lesson #2, our spouses are truly partners (and yet operate better with a mandatory item packing list for clothes and sundries).

Lesson #3, life is better when you do it your way- and we did it our way.

Kinda like these people:

Peter + Cassie - 09.28.13 - Slow Motion Booth from Keown Films on Vimeo.