Made in the USA: Coffee

OMFG, I hope you care about coffee.

Specifically, I hope you care about fair-trade coffee. 

Sometimes when I'm wandering down the coffee/tea aisle of Chain Grocery Store I become lost in aromatic contemplation over what values Dunkin' is actually Driven on. I percolate over whether Newman's Own's non-profit status means that their coffee-bean pickers get paid on a non-profit payscale. I steam up over the tangled web of Starbucks' clever price-fixing scheme with the Kenyan coffee cooperatives that I read about ever so many years ago in graduate school. 

Then I think about the planet. 

Coffee is bad, folks. It turns locavore tree-huggers into jonesing addicts with carbon footprints spanning hundreds of thousands of klicks. If you add in Keurig single-serve coffee makers, you become personally responsible for the death of panda bears. Or polar bears. Or koala bears-- something cute and sufficiently removed from eating us to seem vitally adorable to children nursery wallpaper motifs. 

Our national obsession with a substance with an almost 100% addiction rate is compounded with a production model encompassing the social ills of capitalism in the Third World. 

All. Of. Them. 

Thank goodness for the colonization of  Hawai'i!

What I mean to say is, hey, we Americans now have access to American-made coffee. Homegrown, fair labor standard coffee. Coffee that is domestically produced in the US of A. By Americans. 

Buy American. Period. 

Resolution: Freight Loss

As you've undoubtedly heard, we are in great shape- but we could stand to lose like 400 pounds, collectively.  You're thinking gym time.  You're thinking Body Image Issues.  You've been reading mainstream blogs (admit it!).

We've had an excessive year!  The weddings.  The holidays.  The gifts!  

And now we have way too much...stuff!  As mil spouses, clutter busting is more than a good habit- it's a sacred practice and meaningful to maintaining optimum mental health levels required to effectively cope w all the army crap.  Everything you own is something that will, at some point, need to be boxed up and moved.  And unpacked.  And possibly repaired.  

Why did you buy that, anyway?

Anyhow, so this year I've resolved to cut the crap by enforcing the "one in, one out" policy that I've pretended to have for years.  

Before I went to grad school and realized I needed to keep all my textbooks forever.  

Before I got married and received champagne glass picture frames and a portable fireplace.  

Before I found out that all this crap I thought was recyclable actually wasn't so now I have to save it and think of an art project that uses it and do the art project and find the crap I kept and figure out the relevant art skillz and make some art and then...find a place to keep it.  

You guys I am so not even a hoarder.  But I figure, when India visits to do Jillian Michaels with me and I have to look in four places before giving up to do a free YouTube workout-  I have too much stuff, garbage, junk, rubbish, tchotchkes etc.

Or at least, I really don't have the organizational skills to manage my current inventory.

Onto the (poorly formatted) FAQs:

Do the trade-offs have to match?  Nope.  I can get rid of a worn-translucent pair of sox in order to buy a lip balm.  And I can use up a bottle of sunblock (uh, we still have like four) in order to get one of these. 

But...consumables count?  They take up space and cost money, so yes.  But we'll allow some flexibility so we can get more milk before we are totally out of it.  As a lady with five boxes of tea, four things of coffee, and...six shampoos...I will just say that yes, consumables count.  Pare that shit down!

How about objects of vastly different sizes?  We will figure that out later.

And magazines?  I seriously cannot answer that at this point. 

12 Days of Responsible Shopping: Black Tie Optional Edition

Appropriate for the ball, good for your budget, and amazing for your conscience.

it fits and it's free- thanks, sis!  photo credit: c

Tis the season for party dresses!  Our friends at SpouseBuzz have some great ideas for frugal formalwear, and as usual, we're ready to chime in.  Bargain shopping can be fun, but thrifting, borrowing, and trading are greener and almost always cheaper.  Buying a new dress for every ball is a heinous disservice for both your wallet and the environment.  (Textile waste is a huge problem.)  Below are three resources to get your sparkle on while looking out for your budget- and the polar bears!

Your Network:

• Chances are, the closets of most of your friends are haunted by the ghosts of formals past.  Not the same size?  We've heard of that.  Your friends have friends that are your size.  To lay your mitts on those dresses, your options are as involved as organizing a dress swap or as slack-tastic as posting something on FB and asking friends to repost.  Here's some sample text:  Listen up, party animals!  I'm looking for a rockin formal dress to wear to the Military Ball.  If you or anyone you know has a size 14 evening gown to lend or sell, let me know!  I'll totally bake you a cake if you can bail me out of another trip to Unethical Department Store.  See?   
• If you're not into organizing a dress swap (they are a lot of work), sniff around post (or base or camp) and find out if one of the FRGs is hosting one.  They probably are, whether you've seen fliers or not.  Check it out, bring a friend, and score a bitchin' free dress!  You can spend the money you've saved on refreshing beverages or your phone bill.  (You know which comes first, young lady.)  Just don't spill any on the free dress- it's going to be free for someone else in a few months, right?

Your Neighborhood:

Yelp is one of the best ways to find thrift stores in your zip code.  We recommend reading the comments and reviews of each store to get a good idea of the selection and price range they offer.  Keep in mind that hard-core thrifters have high standards and may not necessarily provide specific info about the formalwear available, so don't dismiss a poorly rated store too quickly.  Since formalwear is such a commonly donated item, many thrift shops with otherwise weak selections of high-end clothing racks crammed with worn-once (or not at all) gowns.

AmVets and other national organizations probably have a charity thrift store near you.  Raid their racks, score something rad and brag away as you bask in the compliments.

Google is your friend when it comes to scoping out the shops near your new home.  Yelp is awesome but may not be widely used in your area, but, fortunately, you are an intrepid world traveler.  Here's an opportunity for you to contribute to your community by finding those small and yet awesome businesses and putting them on the map with your review.  Try lots of search terms like "vintage boutique", "consignment shop", "recycled fashion", "dinosaur cocktail shaker" (I mean...), etc.  Don't give up.  Never give up- until you find a slammin' look for under $12.


Your Computer:

Etsy is a great, consistent source of party dresses- both vintage and new!

Rent the Runway is one of our favorite things ever.  For less than the cost of some random dress from Major Department Store, you can rent a big-shot label dress for your next big-shot event.  Best part- since you send it back, no need to fuss with donating or maintaining the damn thing after the ball.  Perfect for frequent movers, right?

Style Forum offers a killer thread of vintage menswear for all you ManSpouses out there- or ladies who want to tux it up!  (That's one way to avoid Ball Clone Syndrome)

Thrift Store Runway has an online fashion contest.  Check out their articles for inspiration from real shoppers and holds monthly contests with cash prizes!  The next time you score epic formal wear from a thrift store or vintage boutique, submit your photos of ball night fabulousness  show them how MilSpouses do it?  We dare you!

So, there you have it!  Most of the above methods have been tested by the editorial ninjas at SIMAAG and we are confident that they'll work for you.  (Remember, tailors are your friend.  Thrift prices + tailoring= a custom fit that makes the most of your everything.)  You are way too smart to waste time and money schlepping around department stores- especially this time of year.  Do yourself a favor by going vintage and tell us how it turns out!

12 Days of Responsible Shopping: DI Why not? Edition

 In which I bought like eight holiday gifts for $9.  I did.

how hard can this possibly be?  (photo credit: C)

We heard somewhere that MilSpouses tend to have tight budgets for holiday shopping, and for many of you badasses out there, where those dollars go is just as important as how many of them are spent.  If only there were a way to spend v small amounts of dollars on boatloads of swag while supporting dope causes.  Enter, the thrift shop.  Wait, Echo, I can't just give someone a used sweater as a present.  They would hit me.  In the face.  Relax.  I'm not saying give used.  (not in this post, anyway) I'm saying give handmade.  You've heard of buying stuff at thrift shops to make over and either use in your own home or re-sell it on Etsy for a profit, right?  People do it all the time.  See?

But what about those of us who are more paint-by-number than, um, talented artists?  Do thrift stores have jack shit to offer us?  Enter the craft kit.  It's the needle-and-thread equivalent of cake mix, and it totally still counts as DIY.  Ask Kilo.

Well, today we got all old school at Chez Badass and stocked up on some rockin' packaged projects.  YMMV, but in my case, the craft bin at the thrift store had like a dozen cross stitch packets from the Ford administration.  Seriously, did you know about this?  Look!

 If you can sew on a button and follow a pattern, you too can totally make bitchin' tiny ornaments, wall hangings, throw pillows, whatever and delight your entire family for a few bucks (and a whole rack of hours but what else are you doing?).

Here's a few tips to get you started:

• Don't ball up your thread like I did.  It doesn't help.  You might think that sorting out the threads is for tossers with nothing better to do, but first of all, you're the one who bought a cross stitch kit, and second of all, it will ultimately save you time.  Untangling gnarly knots that your ADHD ass did not anticipate is time consuming, and you'll feel like a tosser.  Trust me.
• Go ahead and buy like fifty cross stitch kits, or however many they have, because chances are, you'll be able to con your sister (or brother or neighbor or a stranger from OkCupid, whatever) into sewing with you because this shit is fun.  Yes, it is.  If you have like fifty (or even two), you can share.  This project will be some no-joke time consumption and you are prob expected to socialize this time of year.  Don't be selfish.  Tis not the season for hermiting with your craft projects.
• Finish your project!  You can do it.  When the fuck-its set in, I borrow a tactic from long-distance running:  shift your focus from the twelve miles that remain to the next step you have to take.  Tell yourself (in a firm but loving tone) that you don't need to do twelve miles, you only need to take one more step.  Repeat.  Rinse, and repeat.  

For more about how to choose, start, and finish your (holiday) DIY projects, visit our friends:

• Apartment Therapy: Restart a Languishing DIY Project
• Lifehacker: Have a Start-to-Finish DIY Holiday
• About.com: Thrift Store Bargains

And, finally, we'd like to recommend checking out your local AmVets NSF thrift store for both donating and shopping.  We are very happy with the chapters in our areas, and hope that you find as much awesome swag as we did.  Here is a link to find the AmVets chapter closest to you!  

The $200 Lunchbox

GI Echo knows how to make a sandwich.  He also knows how to put a lemon square into a little bag, and how to fill a thermos with soup.  He knows where we keep the apples and he almost always knows where the lunchbag is.  He's busy, but he could probably find five minutes to make his own lunch.  And sometimes, he does.  That's the part everybody knows.  Here's the part that's kind of a secret.  Several times a week, I do something shocking.

I make my husband's lunch.  Here's why:

• Health.  If there's nothing prepped for him, GI Echo will do one of several things.  (You may recognize some of this behavior from your own household.)  He'll go out and buy something gnarly and fried at the PX food court, which is long on "convenience" and short on nutrition.  Or, he'll skip lunch altogether, which is not ideal for active people.
• Time management.  Leaving his workplace to purchase fast food can be an unwelcome time suck on his day, whereas a packed lunch can travel with him and be enjoyed without leaving the desk!  Or motor pool, or range.  Are they allowed to eat on range?  I don't know, ask Bravo.
• Money.  The going rate for a take-out lunch in our area is between $6-$15, though your mileage may vary.  If one partner spends $10 a day on lunch, that's a $200 drag on your budget every month- and more if you both go out for lunch!

I hear you, I hear you.  You've just pointed out that the above list contains three points in support of brown-bagging it in general, but no real argument for why I make his lunch.  Hang onto your ironic hat and keep reading.

• Harmony.  When he skips lunch, he comes home in a total cloud of full-on, level 10, varsity blackbelt irritability haze.  He has a major case of hangry, and in this case, prevention is way better, and more practical, than the cure.  Don't act like your husband doesn't do the same damn thing.  He does, and I'll bet you do, too.
• Money.  There are so many better things to spend $200 on.  Here  are just a few examples that you could both enjoy!  
• Polar bears.  All that packaging from fast food is bad for the environment.  So is driving to and from the restaurant, not to mention drive-throughs.  Please tell me this is not the first time you've heard that.
• Love.  There's just nothing like interrupting a tough day to enjoy a lovingly packed lunch.  In our military household, staying connected takes creativity and effort, since we are apart so much of the time.  The nature of his job makes funny emails, short check-in calls, and even naughty sexts impractical (and naughty!) but sending him with a lunch is a great, realistic way to stay close.

So, in five minutes a day, you too can nurture your budget, the planet, and your partner in one simple effort.  That's a lot of nurturing and so, so worth it.

Even if you don't include a hastily-drawn sketch of your partner looking like a polar bear with a sappy note inside.  I'm not saying I do, but I heard that folks do that.  It's a thing.  Shut up.  We'll be back with some tips sometime later this week- we are milspouses, after all.  We're not just going to sanctimoniously boss you around without providing instructions!

This bag may contain an embarrassingly sentimental note.