Home Stretch

My dude is in a phase of Special Forces training where he is doing Secret Things In the Woods, and he's been basically incommunicado for over a month.  I've received some letters, but evidently he hasn't received any of mine.  It's easier than deployment in some ways-- namely, I know he's not going to come under attack, and he'll be home relatively soon-- but not being able to so much as hear his voice for this length of time is just as hard.  I recently spent a few days with a cousin whose husband is in Bahrain with the Navy, and they're able to text several times a day.  He's gone for six months instead of six weeks, but at least they can stay in touch.  I found myself feeling jealous of her, though I'm sure the grass seems greener from where she's standing, too.

I spent some time with family and friends while he was gone, and although for the most part it was great to enjoy my own interests and relationships, there were times when I missed him really acutely.  I am marrying this man because I want to share a life with him, and yet our experiences are frequently not shared.  I spent a weekend with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law, and I felt deeply sad and a little bitter that my dude wasn't there, too.  I went to a cousin's wedding and felt similarly bereft, despite the beauty of the occasion.  I know this won't always be our life, and I know that I would rather have him some of the time than none of the time... but when I envisioned myself choosing a life partner, I always imagined a lot more companionship than I'm getting these days.  That said-- I also get a lot more laughter, adventure, and joy than I ever imagined.  Life is full of trade-offs.

I've also done a good bit of wedding planning since he's been gone.  We set the date-- December 28th, now just over four months away-- before he left and narrowed down our venue options, so it's not like he's totally out of the loop, but it's been at various points both funny and hard to move ahead on plans for such an important event in our lives without his ongoing input.  I chose one of the reception venues we discussed, but I also selected a Unitarian church (we're agnostic/atheist but we like the Unitarian community, and the sanctuary at this place is gorgeous) for our ceremony, which was not something we'd talked about, the the layout of the reception space isn't really conducive to a ceremony.  The other things that I moved ahead on-- asking my bridesmaids to be in the wedding, buying my dress ($97 from ModCloth.  HUGE win.) and shoes, selecting dates for my bridal shower and bachelorette ladies' night out back home-- don't really concern Duder, anyway.  I Pinterested the hell out of invitation and wedding website designs, centerpieces, suits for him, etc., so hopefully we can make some final decisions about that business soon after he's back. 

Oh, and did I mention that he's going back out for three weeks again pretty soon after this?  Yeah.  Next phase of the course.  They split the class in half, so some of them will go out just two days after they come home, while others will get two weeks before they go back.  Even though I would love to have a couple of weeks with him, I think I'd prefer he go back out with the first group.  That way, the away phases of training will be mostly over with (he has a month away at the end, but four months on post before that)... and he'll be back in time to come with me to a very close friend's wedding.  I know the wedding will still be awesome even if I go alone-- the people getting married are some of my most party time fun friends, and I'll know a lot of other people there-- but for the love of all that is holy, I want him to be with me for at least some of these milestone events or I am going to scream.

So.  Not much longer to go.  I have plenty to keep me busy between now and then-- and, if he's lucky, maybe I'll even make him something delicious (like this, perhaps?) as a surprise.

xo- K.