#NPR Fresh Air Repost

Do you believe in serendipity? I do. Not just because it was complete serendipity that introduced me to my husband but because no matter what subject is occupying my mind, NPR has a story for that. For the Tminus15 minutes I'm in the car every day (I am SO completely bike commuting. Tomorrow.) the story finds me.
I will share with you now my NPR Fresh Air REPOST from March 11, 2014, an interview with author Brigid Schulte on equality in relationships (and parenting). The part about cooking for Thanksgiving really hit me right between the eyes.

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On parenting and the division of labor

When my husband and I got married, I was very adamant that I wanted a partner. Again, I love and respect my parents but I did not want the traditional marriage that they had. I grew up in a very different time and what I wanted for my life was very different. So I made sure that my husband, Tom, was also on the same page, that we wanted to be these equal partners. And we really were. We had a really fair division of labor, everything felt great.

And then we had our first child and I think, without realizing it, I felt that I should be this super mother and I felt like I needed to do everything that my mother did while at the same time trying to work like my father did, without realizing how impossible that was. ... That time when you bring the first child home is a crucial time for setting the trajectory of your relationship from then on out, particularly in the division of labor.

Half (ass) Book Report 1: The Wife

The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century by Anne Kingston

By page 133 I am enlightened. When I started the wedding planning process over a year ago, the web introduced me to the A Practical Wedding book and blog and the courageous writers who reassured me that I wasn't crazy as I experienced first-hand wedding night freak-out, the reality of family relationships and their place in a real life wedding, the ugly truth about budgeting and the grown-up "gimmies" induced by a serious industry...and how sometimes life really gets in the way of expectations. 

What I didn't expect was regret. My lover and I had great discussions about what we wanted in the wedding, and what we didn't. But I found myself with a bad case of the what-ifs post-wedding. What if we had abstained from sex for a bit before the wedding...would we have had more explosive sexual chemistry during the honeymoon? What if I'd tried on my mother's wedding dress...just for that bride-in-white framed portrait for the wall? What if my husband and I had reserved a special slow song just for us...just to say we did?

Suzanne Brockmann is a GOD

Remember that drama with the Bravo Familia in December? Well, the hospital visits have been keeping my mind off the painful job search but only binge-reading really smoking hot and well-written fiction keeps my mind off the hospital visits. 

I managed to finish four of the Suzanne Brockmann Troubleshooters series in the past two weeks. All I can say is, "Damn. That is one kickass author." Seriously, I've been a fan for years and years. It is entirely possible that I read my first Suzanne Brockmann in 2003 or 2004. AND THEY JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER! Not only does the idea of boinking a completely ripped dude from SEAL Team Sixteen drill my fantasy buttons dead center but add in sarcasm, witty repartee, and oh can you say Joss Whedon references (Buffy! Firefly! Star Wars! ok, he didn't write that last one...but you get me here, right?!). Be still my heart. 

And then take that SEAL body and add feminist outlook and some real marriage equality love...let's just say you can skip the foreplay and take me now. 

Suzanne Brockmann, if you are out there and reading this, there is a progressive MilSpouse right here that loves you.*

*I'd put money on my spouse appreciating your art as well. Next date night, I'm planning to experiment by reading an Izzy & Eden excerpt from Breaking the Rules. We'll see if GI Bravo sends up a salute. 

Things to do with a wedding dress

Inspired by this article "Union Bride Auctions Wedding Gown on eBay for Protest Fund"...


By Cynthia McCabe

"Remember the bride who, along with her groom, braved snow and an imminent wedding to protest alongside tens of thousands in Madison, Wisc., on behalf of public school teachers and other American workers a couple weeks ago?

Now she’s auctioning off on eBay the gown made famous on websites including this one and Salon.com and the news, and donating all of the proceeds to a fund established to aid citizens protesting the attacks on the American worker and middle class."

Because I've been thinking how fun it would be to have a Wedding Dress dinner or brunch in honor of Marriage Equality. We live in North Carolina, a state currently without equal rights for all citizens. And despite the fact that an average marriage license is only $30-$60 pretty much anywhere in the good ole' USofA, I was determined not to give a penny to any state that didn't let everyone get married. So we got hitched in New York State. Twice. 

Inviting of my favorite 30 or so people all dressed in white to march over to the County Clerks and demand equal rights for lovers seems like a piece of cake. 

Want to don the gown? Would you join me?

~Bravo

Fort Bragg Chapel Welcomes Homosexuality

"Lt. Col. Heather Mack and her wife, Ashley Broadway, who initially was barred from membership in the Fort Bragg Officers' Spouses Club before the group relented earlier this year, and Staff Sgt. Tracy Johnson, the first same-sex war widow in the US Military, also attended. Johnson's wife, Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, was killed in Afghanistan in 2012."
"Fort Bragg Chapel Holds First Same-Sex Ceremony" , Drew Brooks, Fayetteville Observer 12/21/13


There's a thing that just happened that makes us proud. THE VERY FIRST same-sex commitment ceremony at the Fort Bragg Chapel. That's right. You heard it right here, folks. According to the Fayetteville Observer, monogamous homosexuality has arrived at the Center of the Universe.

Picture by Elizabeth Franz, Fayetteville Observer 12/21/13

Very handsomely, I might add.

But all is not sunshine and rainbows.

Hidden in the article about this moving and real life (seriously, the proposal story is quoted as...

That's when Toven asked Taylor to check his stocking. Inside was a card and a small box. 

I open it and I look at Daniel and he's on one knee," Taylor recalled. Taylor said he was sleep-deprived and hadn't eaten all day. Suddenly, he was overcome with emotion. 

"I said, 'I think I'm going to vomit," Taylor said. "It was not one of my finest moments in life."

It doesn't get more real, right?!) triumph of men in the military who love both men AND the military, we read about the Officer's Spouse Club grudgingly admitting only THIS YEAR aka 2013 the wife of a Lt Colonel. 

Is it only me? I feel so regressive when I mention someone by the rank of their partner. I'm sure Ms. Broadway is a kick-butt person in her own right, but the honest truth here is that we spouses are subject to some specific standards and in-group/out-group dynamics based on mostly THAT. Our worth is measured in how many bars and chevrons grace our lovers' chest. 

This being so, it is unconscionable that the legal partner or common-law partner of a person who has attained the rank of Lieutenant Colonel should be denied entry into a society of her peers. I am livid that this was ever in question. I commend the people in the Fort Bragg Officers' Spouses Club that must have opposed the exclusion because, really, it would much less chic to be known as the Fort Bragg Officers' (With A Penis) Spouses Club. And even then, it wouldn't stop the handsome newlywed pictured above from knock-knock-knocking at the door. 

Happily, the weather and the Officers' Spouses Club seems warm and welcoming for now in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Next, we hope for a sea-change in the state legislature to enable full marriage equality. We'll keep you posted on where the wind is blowing on that one, pals!

A Homemaking Website that Doesn't Suck

A month after my wedding and a week after being suddenly laid off from my (paid) job, I am still trying to remember what the hell I did with my free time before I started planning a wedding while working 65 hours per week.  I have to say, I don't know.  Do you?
Actually, a quick look around my house rings a bell.  There are backpacks from our epic hiking trips and well-used workout gear from feeling the burn on a daily basis.  There are the pets we fostered...and kept, and the cooking gadgets I used every night for project dinner.  There are books.  And then...there's torn wallpaper, way too many paint chips, stacks of bricks (yes), a bunch of noun-verb combos like tape measure, stud finder, and room divider.

Oh yeah.  We were fixing up our old ass house like the time lapse montage in movies.  I'm supposed to have a kerchief over my hair and he's supposed to be hauling something.  We're both supposed to be laughing.

Before the wedding, we were fixing up our old ass house and we kind of stopped doing that in favor of planning our wedding.  That shit takes a long time, let me tell you.  Even if you're not uptight.  Both the DI-Why and the wedding.

Anyhow, for the first time since we moved in a long time ago I noticed that we have no curtains, but we do have nosy neighbors.  Kind of like I do not sew but I do have a pinterest page.  So on day two of funemployment I hit google and hit it hard, looking for some trick to get out of sewing or purchasing curtains.  And I found this!  Please don't ask why, but I decided to show my husband.  I was excited.  About curtains.

"Oh for Christ's sake.  Offbeat HOME?! We have this now?" he asked.  He shook his head and explained, I thought we were done with all that Offbeat Bride shit, ugh, I can't believe there's more.

You probably had to be there, but it was hilarious and it was the first time I realized that he was aware of Offbeat Bride.  I guess that's not surprising- OBB got me through a gnarly year of wedding industrial complex crap that seemed orchestrated to turn me and my friends into greedy teenage fake gender conforming princesses.  Offbeat Bride was a refreshing, even comforting corner of the internet that suggests that it is in fact possible to have a wedding without losing your savings, your sanity, your tattoos, your feminist outlook, or your piercings.  I did need some guidance for the wedding planning process and there really wasn't a whole lot of useful stuff in 31 Things You Don't Know About Bridal Manicure Trends-type publications.  That crap has a way of messing with your mind with the suggestion that being engaged means you have to stop being Daria and turn into Quinn.

Considering that my husband's career has us living in a much more conservative community than I would have believed existed- before moving here- that access to "alternative" culture was especially important.  If I still lived in Blue State Metropolitan Area, I probably wouldn't need that- my tattooed and pierced and vegan and genderqueer friends would have provided the validation I needed after dealing with wedding industrial vendors- but I don't, so I did.

Anyhow, after our wedding and during our home-making, I still need guidance because, among other things, I have no fucking clue how to make curtains.  (No, buying them is not an option.  Leave me alone.)  So I found OffBeat Home and I love it there.  I'll get back to you about the curtains.

Where awesome lives | Offbeat Home

What do you think, folks?  How's your home-making going, and what's been helping?

*ECHO*

Wedding Wishes to E!

It's ECHO's wedding this weekend and we wish her and her dude an AMAZING FUTURE!
We raise a toast to the American Dream and years to come filled with Marriage for All!
'MERICA!